During my years at school, I always strived to be the best I can be in all areas of life and school – in sports, culturally, socially with friends and family and in academics. Well, I guess, if I have to be honest with myself and with you, academics was not my area of strength BUT I tried my best. I tried everything. Believe it or not, I even sang in the choir! I excelled at sport and it became my focus area. I did all types of sport such as gymnastics, wrestling, rugby and athletics. I excelled in all the areas, becoming very popular in school. I grew up in Pietersburg (now called Polokwane) and in this town in the Limpopo province, sport and especially rugby was a very big deal and quite popular. I started primary school by playing for the A team early in my rugby career and I ended up playing for the 1st rugby team of the school by Grade 7. Now for a boy in my situation, that was a great achievement to be chosen for the 1st team. So in a town where rugby was so popular, it helped me a lot to also gain some status and popularity.
As a result of all my extra mural activities and achievements, I became popular and helped me to be chosen as a prefect in the school. It was during this time that I realised that I had the potential and the ability to be a leader and that I could inspire people. If I recall now, I know it wasn’t all good, times were not always littered with sunshine and roses. I realised that I also bullied people without even realising it. I was so ambitious and focused on my goals and proving myself to others that I did not even realise what I was doing to others.
As the time went by, we came to the stage of my High school rugby career where we had to play trials to be selected for the Craven week team. The Craven Week is an annual rugby uniontournament organised for schoolboys in South Africa. The tournament started in July 1964, and is named after the legendary Springbok rugby union player and coach Dr Danie Craven. It is quite a big deal to be chosen for this team and it is to this day a big tradition in schools across South Africa.
After a lot of matches and weeks of stress, two groups were chosen. We went away to play a few games where the final A team would have been chosen out of all the players that made the two group stages in the Limpopo province. I soon realised as the games progressed that all the good players were in one team (the primary team) while all the others were grouped in another team. I also realised that I had to get rid of my negativity for not being in the primary team and play even harder. After a week of rugby matches, the two teams sat down together and the final team was chosen. A rugby team consists of 22 players with players who could stand in, in case of injuries. So the names of the players who were chosen for the team was called out, many names were called and as I was listening, I counted and realised that there were only three spots left – I started panicking. My nerves were shattered, my eyes welled up…but my name was called last! I was chosen – my heart was beating fiercely and almost jumped out of my chest.
About two weeks after this, the selected team went on tour. As you can imagine, with a group of teenage rugby playing boys together in close encounters, it became a bit challenging. Egos, personalities and energy obviously clashed at some stage as everyone had to prove themselves. As we toured, I realised that I did not agree with a few things such as the behaviour and manners (or lack thereof) of the other boys. As a prefect I tried to maintain discipline sometimes such as when I asked some of the rude guys to just be considerate, keep quiet and listen when the coach was talking, all just in the name of good manners and sportsmanship. I was almost kicked off the team because of this and this made me feel very uncomfortable. I realised at that stage in my life that I could not trust everyone and that I should just keep quiet and keep to myself. Keep my head down and focus on what I did best – play rugby! Now, please don’t misunderstand me, I did not just keep quiet as I saw inappropriate behaviour but I decided to rather let my actions and behaviour speak for me. Rather be and set an example. This tour taught me a lot about life and I took this lesson back to my High school career – let your behaviour speak louder than your words. People will respect you more for it than they would for reprimanding/nagging them.
I went to a very popular High school in 2000. It was known as the best school in the Limpopo province and almost everyone from the area went there - old team mates, rival schools’ players, old enemies and new friends. Now, you had even more people to compete with to prove yourself and excel. I was well known in the school already due to my “rugby name”, this helped me a lot and I was instantly popular, or at least not popular but very well known. I always thought that the popular kids were part of the “cool kids”, I wasn’t exactly sure if I fitted this description.
The year I started High school was also coincidentally the year that this school had its first revue concert. A revue is a type of theatre type concert with singing, dancing, acting and lots of drama. It is quite popular in South African schools. As I sang in the choir in primary school and knew I wasn’t too bad at it, I decided I wanted to try out for this to show that I was indeed more than just a rugby player. You can just imagine the reaction I got when I decided this, I was called a lot of names and if I think back, I was bullied then because I was being called names for being different from the typical stereotype of a rugby player and a boy. As I didn’t really realise that I was being bullied, I did not let these reactions from others have an impact on my decision. I wanted to try everything – play rugby, do athletics and be in the revue concert. Hahaha, imagine the surprise, when two years later, they made it compulsory for all the rugby players to also audition for the revue before they could be play for the rugby A team. This definitely made me feel better! I was way ahead of my time.
I think, in a way, I did all of these things just to be recognised and noticed, but after a while, I just did it because I really enjoyed it. In grade 10 the grade leadership system was introduced and as the first group was selected, I was not chosen and I felt a bit neglected as I thought that I would be selected as I was popular and well known. I realised that this was actually a good thing because I realised that people would really do anything to be noticed and I wanted to be different. I didn’t want to impress anyone, I just wanted to be true to myself, play rugby and focus on my grades. About four to six months later one of the grade representatives moved to another school and they had to find a replacement for him. The grade voted and with assembly week it was announced, I had been selected. I was quite surprised as I had kept my head down and just focused on what I enjoyed. This had shown me once again that behaviour speaks louder than words and that my peers thought more of my behaviour than I had noticed and realised.
In some ways, this was an eye opener in more bad ways than good because I realised how some kids treated other kids just because they felt they could. But at that stage I was scared of being rejected and I didn’t do anything about it, I just went with the flow. In a way I was also a bully because I did not do anything to help or prevent it. So I wondered, what made me any better than them? I then started moving away from the popular kids and started making friends with other kids, the kids that we all call “the nerds, the weird kids” in school. I spent some time with them, got to know them and realised what awesome, interesting and genuine people with great personalities they were. With a darker twist, I realised the pain and sorrow some had and that was heart breaking. I became really good friends with them for no other reason than just enjoying their company . I never spoke to them about their issues, first of all I was just there for them and that helped a lot. Later on, I really had to stand up for my friends and defend them in times they could not. This did not bother me as I was at a stage in my life where I was comfortable with whom I was and I realised that I did not need anyone’s approval. I saw that my confidence and comfort with myself started to impact others and they realised that being popular or cool was not the be all and end all. I think that some of the kids also realised that we all have our own crosses to carry and our own problems to deal with and that treating others with kindness and respect would go much further in life.
Grade 11 arrived and that was the stage when people become more senior in school. This was the year when the competitiveness increased with regards to rugby, so many great players with talent came up the ranks that in many cases some of the grade 11’s replaced some of the grade 12’s in the first team rugby positions. The matric girls started dating some of the grade 11 guys and you can just imagine that most of that did not sit well with some of the girls and guys. All of the emotions spilled over onto the rugby field and the game became more physical and emotional than it should be. In a way we all bullied each other by trying to manipulate and get into each other’s heads to replace each other in the first team’s positions.
As mentioned, sport was such a popular part of our town and grade 11 was the year that we could stand out. I was played out of my position and I had to play second team. I spent a long time thinking that I was just not good enough. It did not matter how much effort I put in and how much I tried, I just did not manage to stand out and be seen. With rugby being my life I spent many nights training harder at home, more fitness, more time in the gym, more time on my skills but I just did not get seen. This had a great impact on my life – my academics, friends and family suffered. In a way I became the bully, just to try and make myself feel better, to forget about the pain and my dreams being crushed. I did not bully them with fists but with words, not intentionally but most definitely in times that I should not have. Regardless of what I said I never spoke to someone in a bad way when I could see something was wrong or that they were sad, I always just took it out on the kids that thought they were “too cool for comfort”. In a way I must admit that it did make me feel better -never realising what I did to some of them. Yes they might have acted that they were cool and they did not care but I know now that they had also put up a front to protect themselves and I really hurt them.
I realised that I had hurt them when I arrived at school one day and found one of the popular girls crying terribly. I asked her what was wrong and got the reaction, “nothing is wrong, just leave me alone”. So I left her alone, but knowing how much I was hurt, I couldn’t let it be and let someone else also go through something similar. Later that day I decided to look for her and ask her again if she is ok. She finally opened up and said that all her life she had to pretend that she is something that she is not, put up a front to just be popular, be seen and be accepted. She always have to be ready to have something to reply to people who say nasty things about her and she knows she can use her popularity to get back at them. Even though she knew the things that people were saying were true, but did not want to accept and acknowledge it.
I asked her why feel guilty and breakdown about it now? Her reply shocked me and it was quite unexpected, she said, “Morné it is what you said to me, it was something that no one knew and I did not think you did, but what you said was so true and I could not handle it. I expected it from everyone else but not from you, you are so different you are such a genuine guy and without you knowing it you are changing people’s lives but what you said hurt real bad.” Her words stung, it made me feel like someone had gutted me with a very sharp knife. I apologised but could not remember what I said and I asked her to please remind me. She said “Morné you said something about my mother when you were standing with a group of guys, I am not angry because you did not know but it truly hurt a lot because my mother is dead. Please do not get me wrong, it is not as much what you said, it is more the memory of my mother that came up and it made me break down because I miss her so much. Morné, do not be one of them because you are better than them be the Morné you once were.”
I could not help myself; I also started crying and told her how unbelievably sorry I was and that I truly did not know about her mother. I only said the harmful things because she was always mean to everybody else. That was the moment that we both woke up and realised that both of us were wrong, our behaviour has not helped people but it hurt more. Her gossiping, manipulating and bad mouthing people hurt a lot of people and me saying bad things about her, hurt her as well. Two negatives does not make a positive…This situation helped me to realise that I had to get over my pain, work through it and focus my energy on the sports field and not on hurting people. We then promised each other that we would work on these weak areas in our lives, that we would support each other and talk to each other if we are struggling. It was good to have someone to talk to for support, someone to be honest with and kind of be accountable to.
My grade 11 year went on, I did my best on the rugby field, I focused on my sports and my studies – hahaha, and obviously the one received more attention than the other. I still didn’t make the cut for the first rugby team but I accepted it and I just played because I loved the game. The end of the year came closer and so the big inter grade derby arrived. This meant that rugby players from other grades would team up to play against the grade 12’s. The grades 11’s were in charge of choosing the ultimate team that would face the grade 12’s. I got chosen for the team and put in a position that I had never played before. I didn’t let that get me down and knew that this could be the game that could prove to next year’s coaches what I was made of. That day turned out to be quite awesome – we played that game with entire school cheering for our team and only the grade 12’s cheering for their team. It was an amazing team to play for and the entire day was great – fun filled with lots of music and celebrations. That day was memorable, I played one of the best games and I even surprised myself. We played our best but we had fun and I think that made the difference. Even though we did not win that game, we got applauded by the entire school and that made it feel like we won the World Cup. That was a day I would never forget.
The year that everyone looked forward to, finally arrived. The year where we would be seniors, our entire High School reputation built up to this year - Grade 12. I just said to myself that this was going to be THE year that I was going to give everything I possibly could and that I would just go out and enjoy it - make memories that would last a lifetime. Boy, was I in for a surprise… Before the rugby season started, we usually first had the athletic season where we had try-outs to be selected to compete in the athletics team. A huge team from the school was usually selected to go and compete in different areas against other schools in the province. I had the honour/privilege to be part of that team for one field item and the 400 meters track event. Believe me when I tell you, there is absolutely nothing better than representing your school by running in an evening sports/athletics event. This occurrence was such as special event/memory that I treasure as part of my matric year. Later in the season, I was unfortunately injured and I could not compete in the 400 meter events. I just focused on the field event I had left. The trials for the school team took place later that season and I decided to give my position on the team, competing in the field event, to a guy that I thought would be better at it. I believe there is no shame in admitting when you are not the best and when you recognise the best in someone else.
The trials for the rugby season started and after a tough few weeks, I was chosen as one of the 22 members of the school's first rugby team. We went on tour and faced Monument High School for the first time in our school history. We lost the game, but it felt great scoring the only try for our team that day. Sadly during that match, a team member broke his ankle in the process of getting the ball to me. This signified another highlight of my last High School year. As the year progressed and time passed, I discovered the true reason why I never made the first team the previous year. It saddened me because it was just because of politics within the coaching staff and not because of my skills as a rugby player. This impacted psychologically on my rugby career and the way I started to play the game started deteriorating.
It deteriorated to such an extent that one day I was called into the head coach's office and was let go from the team. That day was one of the worst moments of my life - I had to return my rugby kit in front of an entire class. I felt robbed, yet again, from my dreams and chances to play professional rugby in the future. I felt bullied out of the game, not just by politics but by selfish coaches. It felt like I had nothing left. These feelings were amplified by hearing what the kids/my classmates had to say and how they gossiped about me. I wouldn't wish what I felt then for anyone in this world. I went home so many nights crying, trying to hide my hurt from everyone, acting as if everything was okay. I realised that my life was spiralling downwards and out of my control rapidly. Even though I still had the opportunity to play for the second team, I still did not feel the love and the passion for the game I did before.
I decided that I needed a change of scenery. The city rugby club provided this opportunity for change. I went to play for them - this was not something we were allowed to do as High School players. But I had such a hunger to feel the passion and the love for the game again and thought that playing for the club might motivate/inspire me. I had a coach there that actually took an interest in me as a player and during the club practices he asked me that he wanted me to play for the club's under19 team, knowing that I was still in school. He asked me what position I wanted to play, I said that I preferred playing inside centre and wasn't keen on playing anywhere else because with school rugby they kept on moving me from position to position and that interfered with my skills as a player, it made me lose my game. This coach believed in me and put me in the inside centre position for this game without asking any questions. The first game for the club I scored three tries for the team and it felt like there was hope again - the passion and love for the game was slowly returning. Right after the game the third team coach came running up to me and asked me whether I still had energy left and if I could please play for his team after our game because he saw the way I played and needed me in the team.
Without even thinking about it, I agreed, not realising at that stage that I just turned 18 a few months earlier and would be playing against guys 21 years and older. I really did not care, I just wanted to play, I felt valued again. In that game I scored two tries and made two, this was beyond amazing and to top it all off, I received the man of match award after the game. Going back to school some of the guys came to me and said they heard how well I played. Still, it was not good enough to make it back onto the school's first rugby team. To be honest, at that time, I truly did not care. I believed in myself again, it took one person to believe in me again, my spirits were lifted, my confidence was restored and I was the old Morné again.
The end of the year was nearing and trial, record and final year exams were around the corner. The stress was high amongst the kids but we knew what was expected of us. The focus switched from sports to studies in my mind because I knew there was a life waiting for me after school. I needed to focus on it and make sure that I pass my year because I did not want to waste my parents' money and disappoint them in any way.
I completed the final exams with dedication and success. After the exams, it was usually time to go on the matric holiday that we were looking forward to the whole year. I went away with a couple of friends to George in the Western Cape. We booked ourselves into our accommodation and went shopping. We were lucky enough to have great people staying next to us and we enjoyed a couple of evenings having braai's together and going out with them. About three days into our holiday, we met a couple of girls at the petrol station and went to the beach with them. We became friends and we went to go visit them often as they had a beach house there. After a week of fun and sun it was time to go back home. A day after I arrived back from holiday, the one girl phoned me and told me to come back for another visit because they were still there until after Christmas. I arranged this with my parents and I went back for another week of fun in the sun.
The one day I went to town with couple of their friends. They all wanted to go out and get tattoos. While I sat and waited that they got their tattoos I received a phone call with horrible news. One of my very good friends that I played rugby with had committed suicide. The news was so unbelievable and unexpected. He was the “strong and silent” type. I asked my friends what the reason for the suicide could have been, their reply was that he had family problems... and in addition to that he was being bullied emotionally. It must have seemed too much for him at that stage and he decided to take his own life.
I decided that it could not just all end so suddenly and I needed to do something to remember him by. So while everyone was getting their tattoos, I went in and searched for the tattoo that I wanted. I decided I wanted a Chinese sign meaning “spirit” on my scapula. It was a very small gesture but I knew the meaning it had and it was something to remember him by. His spirit would live on through me. We left; I didn't show any sadness or let anyone see my emotions. Afterwards when we back and everything was quiet, I went into my room. I spent a few hours there, crying and pondering what the reasons could have been for my friend to have reached that point of desperation, that he felt it necessary to take his own life. I was still so young and could not understand why.
After a week I went back home and his funeral was already over. In a way, I was relieved that I missed the funeral because I didn't want to relive the pain and the loss. I just couldn’t bear seeing his family and friends and all their hurt. I couldn't imagine what to say to someone who had to live with that kind of loss. My High School era came to an end with this cloud of sadness hanging over me because of this loss.
1.2 THE YEARS AFTER SCHOOL
My life after school started. I did not know what I wanted to go and study and I fell in and out of jobs for the first six months after school. I tried to find something that I enjoyed doing besides rugby. Yes, I did continue with the wonderful sport. I went from working for the spare parts department for Ford to being an estate agent. One day my dad came to me and said maybe I should apply at the police force, and I did. I was appointed in the Radio Technical department as a technician - installing radios, blue lights and tracker units in the vehicles. After a few weeks I found out that the police force offered different types of sports for relaxation and practice took place on Wednesdays. To my excitement, I found out that they did not only have a rugby team but they also competed in a National week where all the police forces/departments/units across South Africa gathered and played in a tournament for a whole week, held in different locations or Provinces each year.
I thought to myself that this presented a perfect opportunity to do what I love and work at the same time. I went for the trials and got into the team, not in my preferred position but I got placed as a wing. Nevertheless, I grabbed the opportunity with both hands and travelled with my team to compete at the National week. I was the youngest player in the team and this stressed me out completely - playing against all these BIG guys who were all at least twice my size. New players on the team all received a mentor who gave you advice but also gave you tasks to do like cleaning their boots, buying stuff for them etc. It was almost like an initiation, I guess. I had one of the best guys I could ever ask for. Not only did he give me a lot to do but he really gave me advice on what not to do. This was not required from him as mentor. I gained so much respect for him. Before our first game he gave me a little pep talk and motivated me to not be afraid and just give my best. I gave my all in the first game, being a very tough game. This was against a team they lost to the previous year and we beat them 34-5, not scoring a try but making three of them possible and saving many with my defending. I felt pretty good and motivated after that game. After every game they gave out trophies for man of the match and also the best defender and best try. With the first game I did not receive anything, but also I knew that I did not play to get a trophy. It would have been nice to get one though, just to know that one's hard work was recognised. But as I said I just enjoyed the game.
The following game was one I would never forget. I cannot remember exactly against who we played, but I can remember that it was one of the best games that I had ever played - a highlight in my rugby career. I defended like there was no tomorrow, try saving tackle after try saving tackle, rucking and winning balls like a boss. I felt like I was playing more as a flanker than a wing. After the game I received the trophy for the best defender of the game and I must confess that it felt pretty good. The next day we all had an off day, relaxing as a team and going out. We went to a local pub there to watch some rugby and grab a bite to eat. We weren’t the only team there because everyone had off that day. Going to the bathroom I bumped into some of the other team’s players. With them having had a few drinks and the way that guys can be when they are in such an environment, it created an opportunity for conflict. They pushed me into a corner and said to me "hey, you are the guy that played so well and tackles like a machine!". At first I thought they were complimenting me but then they followed with, “do you think you can tackle all of us, we do not like it when people make a mockery out of players by making them look like fools on the field and we intend to make sure that it will not happen again". Then they pushed me up against the wall, took off their belts and started beating me.
I was 20 years old at that stage, one young guy against five to six older guys. I knew they were drunk and intimidated by me being so young but I didn't do anything to fight back, I didn’t even scream or anything. Besides, the hits they gave me with the belt did not hurt that much. After about the fifth hit, my mentor walked in and believe me he was one BIG unit. He immediately jumped in and they backed off because they knew who he was and he said to them, “who do you think you are, I am the only guy allowed to order or do anything to this kid". He sorted them out and made them all feel like fools, he made them lie on the ground and apologise to me.
I realised that I was bullied for being young and being a good rugby player. Consequently, some people were jealous and could not manage their own insecurities and took it out on me. If my mentor did not come in when he did and stand up against those guys, the bullying probably would have continued throughout the tournament because I would not have mentioned it. My mentor came to me and said, “from now one you stick with me and no one but no one will touch you again". He then stood up in the bar and said loud and clear, "if anyone touches this kid again or comes near him except for in a game or other than just to talk to him, you will get to do with me.” I must say, this meant a lot to me as it was great to see that someone that tough could also be caring, compassionate and take me under his wing. He set a great example and I decided that I would also want to be such an example for young guys one day.
After the tournament I felt like I could resume my rugby career and I was again excited about playing professional rugby. I started looking for academies that I could attend anywhere in South Africa and I came across an academy in Durban. One of my friends was playing for the Sharks at that time and I went to stay with him for two weeks to see how Durban was. While I was there I also explored the local club and the Rugby Academy. I immediately knew that I wanted to attend the Academy in Durban and I went home to tell my dad that this was the career path I wanted to follow. I resigned from my job and sold my car to pay for my first year in the Rugby Academy. I stayed in a rugby house with 54 other guys as passionate about rugby as I was. Being the oldest in the academy at that stage, I felt like the father figure - how ironic. The guys there were more than capable to look after themselves, but as I learned from my previous experiences, I could not help but look out for and be more protective over some of the guys. When there were fights on the field - I always use to step in and help; when someone needed a lift - I was always there; if they needed a gym buddy - I was there. You name it. I never used to think of myself as being better than anyone and I always just tried to be an example to them. I tried to show them that you can be responsible and still enjoy your youth.
We played for one of the eight premium rugby clubs in Durban. We played against famous names like Beast, Kankowski and Keegan Daniels. The premium rugby clubs were the feeder institutions/source for The Sharks, other Provincial and International Teams. Those clubs consisted of the best rugby players - the cream of the crop. My first year I arrived there I played second team and benched for the first team every now and again. I was happy and enjoyed the level of the rugby. During the academy period, I made good friends with some of the coaches. They were named Ricky and Garry, men that I truly looked up to, not just because they were great coaches but for the type of men they were, their characters and nature. Then of course our gym coach, coach Hannes, was also one of these men. Besides my father, these men truly inspired me, they were mentors in their own way and they helped me to become the man I am today. After about two years at the academy, I decided to quit the academy after my studies. I then went to work for the academy and I kept on playing rugby.
After a few months I left the rugby house, quit the academy and started my own coaching academy at schools and still continued to play the game I loved more than anything else. I visited my family a few times within my first three years and really enjoyed their company every time. However, one of my visits turned out to be one of the most terrible times in my life. I arrived home for a visit and was there for about three days. I planned to go and visit a friend but was so caught up in everything I had to do the first three days that I did not get around to see him. I actually drove past him the one day but I was in such a rush that I only realised later that day that it was him. I went to someone to go and sort out a few things for business and I received a very disturbing phone call. The friend I had planned to visit committed suicide that day. As I am writing this, I am not ashamed to admit it - the tears are rolling down my face because all the memories are coming back to me. What made everything worse was that we were buddies for almost my entire life, we grew up together, we did almost everything together, got into trouble together, got hidings together, grounded, chatted up girls together - you name it! I was so busy with my own things that I did not even stop when I drove past him and I did not even get to say goodbye!!!!
I know that if I just stopped or if I just got around to visiting him, things might have been different today. I could have seen his hurt and I could have been there for him and I might have been able to talk him out of it. Not many people know this but he also got bullied a lot in Primary School at times when I was not around. He also went through a difficult time in High School and we went to different schools then. He deciding to take his own life was probably the last straw. Bullying might not have been THE main reason, but knowing him, I know that it must have been one of the main reasons that contributed towards his decision. He was a guy that did not easily forget about things and he didn't talk about the things that bugged him often but you would just recognise it in his actions.
The day he took his life, something in me changed completely. In a way I could not help but blame myself for not being there and for not helping him. I could have prevented it if I just stopped and went to him. For years I carried that feeling with me. This made me move around from place to place, too scared to commit to anyone or place because I thought that I might lose something or someone again. After about two years, I said to myself, enough is enough. I needed to get a grip, stop blaming myself and act the way I do. So I decided to close my academy in Durban and move back home. However, I still had the feeling that I needed to do something - something to honour him in a way. Something to prevent that anyone ever felt the way he felt and the way I was feeling at that stage.
This inspired me to call a friend that stayed in Cape Town. I was interested in how it was there and took a two week holiday to visit her. The two weeks turned into a few years as I found a job as a personal trainer at a gym. I phoned my dad and told him that I will be moving down to the Mother City. My first year went by so quickly and I loved every second of it. One day I arrived at the gym and there was a photographer and she asked me if she could quickly do a head shot of me, so we sat down in the gym and the quality of the photos were fantastic. I then requested the price of her packages but she proposed that she needed to do a portfolio shoot of an idea she had and would like to use me as a subject. I thought it was a pretty good deal and took her up on the offer and did the photo shoot. After the shoot she asked me if I would be interested in entering a competition like a pageant. She showed me the entry form and said I would think about it, she said that she believed that I could do well. I went home and that evening while watching TV, I thought about it. I decided that I would do it. It presented a new adventure as I was not playing rugby anymore and I needed a new challenge. I entered the first ever Winelands Summer Body Competition in 2013. I went through a whole process where we had to raise money, do charity work etc. The charity work made me realise that I love bringing joy to other people’s lives - seeing smiles on their faces when you make their lives better. Just showing people some love and care meant the world to me.
The competition day arrived and all the finalists were nervous. But, we still enjoyed every moment. The top five finalists were announced and I was in that group. I've never done something like that before and I had to go and answer a question in front of hundreds of people. I asked the Lord right there to please guide me through the answer and He did. I aced it and felt good about it. After everyone was done we had to leave the stage. Later we were called back up while they announced the ladies' winners first. The build-up and anticipation made us stress like crazy under those bright lights, in those suits. They finally came to the gentlemen and started announcing the winners. They announced second and first runners up and my name was not among them. I prepared myself for the worst as I knew it was my first pageant and I was just lucky to experience it all and end up as one of the top five. Then they announced the winner... and they called out My Name, I won! I was beyond surprised and excited. I could not believe that I won. That year I carried my title with honour and did as much charity work I could possibly fit into my schedule. I wanted to touch/change as many people's lives and bring joy to as many people's hearts as possible.
Later that year the Mr Winelands 2013 took place. This was the Big competition, the one that everybody enters. Winning the title I automatically qualified as a finalist for the Winelands competition. I thought to myself that if I did it once I could do it again and I can face those crowds again. Again we went through a whole process where we had to do fundraisers and charity work. The day before the final night they announced that the Mr South Africa 2012 Finalists will also be at the final event and it was mentioned that on the night the CEO of Mr South Africa was going to be one of our judges. This made me stress even more. I just calmed myself by thinking that it was just like another rugby match; as soon as the whistle blows the stress would be over. So I went on to that stage with that mentality, and gave my best that evening. It was truly a title that I wanted to prove not just to myself but also to others what I was made of and that I could do it.
The evening was lovely and it progressed well. We went through all the motions and by that time I had started to realise how it all works and I started to identify who my biggest competition was. The suit rounds followed and as we were up on the stage, they announced that the top two winners would automatically qualify as contestants for the Mr and Miss South Africa pageants. This was all mentioned before the top five was announced and the questions were still coming. The top five was announced and I made the cut. Some of my biggest competition that I predicted also made the cut. I knew I just had to perform at my best. Until this day I will never forget the question that I received that evening. They asked, “if I was a woman for a day, what would I do and why?” Knowing that it was just women’s day two days before I pulled out an answer on the spot and surprised myself. I decided to break the ice started it off with a joke and my reply was “ I would stand in front of the mirror and ask” and I pointed to my head and said “ what goes on in here.” To my surprise the crowd cheered and laughed and I was amazed that they truly saw the humour in it and that they did not take offense. I completed my answer with, “but with it just being women’s day passing, I would just like to say thank you to all the wonderful women out there, you truly are the softer touch, the heart and calming voice that we as men sometimes need and you should not just be celebrated on women’s day but every day.”
The winners were announced and by then I knew a bit more about how everything played out and worked. I had the top three in my mind. I ranked myself as one of the top three as I felt confident, thinking one enters a competition to at least wanting to win. They announced the second runner up and I stressed a bit less because I regarded him as very strong competition. All the guys that were left were strong finalists but there was only one left that really stood out. They announced him as first runner up and I got so excited and the little kid inside me was jumping up and down. I knew I had it in my pocket. I prayed for days, asking the Lord that if He has a bigger mission for my life and a reason for all these pageants that I would please win this one and reveal to me what it is He wanted me to do with my life and how I can make a difference. The winner was announced and my name was called. Even if you believe very confidently that you will win, you are still very surprised, grateful, happy and excited. So many emotions are felt when you win a pageant. I knew that this was the start of a new and exciting adventure for me.
Being selected as the Winner of the Mr Winelands competition 2013, I decided to enter the Mr South Africa 2014 competition. This competition taught me so much about myself and I now know that the Lord prepared me for this journey through all the previous competitions. The Mr South Africa competition started off with a fundraiser for the J9 Foundation in order to raise a minimum amount of R10 000. I used my previous experience with competitions and charity work to organise a Sweat for Charity event. This event required people to do boot camp training for an hour to raise funds. During the event we also did lots of other fun and exciting things such as tug of war, African drumming and also jumping castles for the kids. This was an amazing experience and I was able to raise the money for the foundation.
I was then selected as one of the Top 50 a few weeks later and I started the “Men of Honour” 100 Days challenge. Every morning at six we would receive a task for the day - the tasks ranged from activities such as handing out food to the poor to building vegetable gardens. This required us to step out of our comfort zones and explore different possibilities, exposing us to a lot of different types of people. These challenges were tough but life changing and I believe that all the guys learnt a tremendous amount about themselves. During all these challenges I was always reminded of my life calling, that I had to achieve more and reach my potential. In the back of my mind, I was still thinking of my friend's suicide and I still felt guilty. I prayed a lot during this time, asking the Lord what His purpose for me was with this campaign as now I had a large platform to make a tremendous difference in this world.
Five months into the competition, I was relaxing a bit and watching television. The popular show, Britain's Got Talent was on and at that moment two young boys rapped about bullying as part of their act. This was such a heart wrenching song because the one boy rapped about his own life and what he went through. That song was emotionally charged for me and something stirred inside of me. I thought about this song often and watched it over and over. Bullying really became a recurrent theme in my life.
About three weeks later, I was driving to work, listening to the radio and the presenter said before he goes on with the program he would like to play something that he had heard. At that stage I was talking to God in the car and I again asked Him what He wanted me to achieve with this Campaign as part of my life journey. The presenter then played the song and it was the exact same song from Britain’s Got Talent. Getting another lump in my throat, I asked the Lord whether this was truly related to what He wanted me to do. I was still a bit unsure and not totally convinced. Two weeks later I went to church for a men’s conference. My calling, journey and what I needed to do was all that I could think about for the last few months. As we started with praise and worship, I asked the Lord again to show me what it is He wanted me to do. After praise and worship the pastor started with a message and he said before he proceeded with the sermon, he wanted to play a video. And amazingly, to my surprise, he played the video of the two boys rapping from Britain’s Got Talent. This made a huge impression on me, because this was at a church gathering, men’s conference. The message here was that we needed to come together as men and realise what was happening in the world. God gave me another sign, this was the confirmation that I was searching for.
Tears started rolling down my face because all the emotions, past events and everything that has happened to me started surfacing. I was scared of what the future held this huge challenge that was in my future and I asked the Lord again whether this message was really meant for me. I had felt so guilty about not being there for my friend when he needed someone - how can I now go and talk to people about bullying? I was stubborn enough to ask the Lord again whether this message was really for me and if He would confirm it once again so that I could please just be sure that it was from Him and not just something I had dreamt up in my own mind. So after the service I went to the pastors and spoke to them about what I believe I needed to do. The pastors were very happy that I had decided to come and talk to them and they said, "Thank the Lord that we now have someone with “status” willing to tackle this issue. It is such a necessary next step to go into schools and create awareness about this serious issue". I held my pose then, but after I got into my car, I cried again, rejoicing with tears. I finally said to the Lord, “ok Lord I get the message, I know this is what I need to do, I am now asking for your blessing, let all of this fall into place like it should. Give me the words and the message to bring to schools and open the doors for me so that I can truly make this the success that you intend it to be.”
Two weeks passed and I started preparing the message I wanted to present at schools. I wanted to create awareness regarding the topic of bullying but I wanted to include something from Scripture in the message as this calling and message for me came directly from God. I asked the Lord to help me and 1 Corinthians 13 featured every time:
1
Corinthians 13: 4-8
“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous
or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand it’s own way
it is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.
It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices when
the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith,
is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”
This piece of Scripture made so much sense to me, it really spoke to me. It was the perfect message to have within my message. I structured my message around these verses, it was the centre and the driving force behind my message and I prayed that this message would touch people's hearts. I was flooded with requests to speak about this topic since September 2014. I spoke at eight different schools, one university in three different provinces. I also testified in churches as that was how I realised what my calling was – while at a church conference…maybe I could inspire people as well.
I was still competing in the Mr South Africa competition during this time and the top 25 were chosen. I was chosen as one of them. The top 25 contestants continued the competition by taking part in a number of challenges, testing all areas of life. Social, intellectual, physical, emotional and public speaking skills were tested. As well as general knowledge and leadership skills were challenged. We had two challenges every day and after every challenge someone got eliminated from the competition. At the end only 12 "Men of Honour" went through to the Grand Finale of Mr South Africa. This took place take place on the 28th of January 2015. During the reality week I had a meeting with one of the judges and presented the plans I had for the future and motivated this by explaining the difference that I could make if I won the title. I presented my Anti-bullying campaign as my calling and my passion. I also spoke sincerely about how I realised that this was my passion.
The judge replied with these wise words:
“I am sorry that you had to go through all of this to get to what you need to do, but do not blame yourself in any way. No matter how hard it is to hear but I think that all of this needed to happen that God can awaken your Calling and you can realise what you are meant to do. Yes, losing a friend in such a way is horrible and I cannot begin to imagine how you must have felt, remember God has already chosen his path and his life was set out for him. So is your path and future also set before you, instead honour God and your friends that took their lives with this campaign. God gave you that hurt in you so that you can know exactly how it feels like so that you can spread a message and prevent others to ever feel like you did.”
I took those words as the motivation behind everything, this gave me fuel to live and get up every morning, to not give up when things became difficult and to pursue the dream I have for this campaign. My calling has led me to people that inspired me even more and gave me the courage and idea to write this book.
The Mr South Africa Grand Finale night arrived, after a year and two weeks of challenges, hard work and dedication. Everything came down to this night. We all knew that the final night was not the only thing that would determine the winner, but the whole years’ work, everything counted towards the final mark. We went through the evening, joking and laughing behind stage with camera crews, hair styling and the whole works. At this stage I would like to acknowledge a gentleman who was willing to make sure that we looked our best every time we went on to stage, Werner Wessels. He is also the official stylist of our very own Miss World, Rolene Strauss. I want to thank Werner for everything he did, he is a true friend and a great example of a true Man of Honour.
As the evening progressed we came to the stage of the evening where the Top 5 had to be announced, and I was honoured enough to be called out as one of them. This was also a magical evening that I would never forget. As we stood on stage, I was first called out to answer a question. My heart was pounding like crazy. I realised, this was the big league, the most important one - we were actually competing for the national title of Mr South Africa, what an honour. I received my question and answered it to the best of my ability, I felt good about it but as I stepped back and gave the microphone over to the next finalist to answer his question I realised I left out one of the most important parts of my answer. I knew there was nothing that I could do about it. After everyone completed their questions, we went back behind the stage and congratulated everyone for coming this far. That was it at that stage, we waited. Everything was out of our hands.
By the end of the evening, they called the top 12 finalists to the stage and asked the top 5 to step forward. Mr South Africa 2013, John Owens and CEO Rudi Baker, came onto the stage. The anticipation and excitement was tangible - at that stage everyone was one edge. My mom and dad sat on the right side of the stage and I could hear them cheering. I could also hear that they were nervous for my sake as the big moment was arriving. Rudi Baker then announced that the top 12 would form part of a council who would work together to make a difference in our country.
The announcement of the top three followed. They announced the Second Runner Up. I was so nervous by this time that I thought my heart would jump out of my chest. Then the announcement of the first runner up commenced...they called out my name. I was so surprised; it was an indescribable, incredibly unbelievable moment. I heard my parents loudly, cheering - going crazy through the applause and the crowd. They then announced Mr South Africa for 2015, Armand Du Plessis. I must say that I was very happy for him; I knew that he would be a great ambassador for this amazing brand and represent our country to the best of his ability. He was not only a worthy winner/opponent but a great friend.
As I write this book, exposing my soul to all of you as the First Runner Up for Mr South Africa 2015, I start my calling - the Anti-Bullying Campaign. I pledge to do everything in my power to make the biggest difference I possibly can. I will strive to help create awareness in every aspect, not just regarding bullying but all aspects of abuse. I will keep on being the true Man of Honour and example for people out there. To my friends, that committed suicide, I will always remember and miss you. It is sad that I had to lose you but you made me realise my calling in life. You made a difference in my life. I will do all I can to prevent people from feeling the way you did when you took your lives and the way I did when I lost you guys.
In conclusion, this is my story and the reason why I am where I am today, with this calling to make a difference. Every aspect of my story culminated to this point in my life. To make a difference. Thank you for taking the time to read it and I hope that my story has inspired each and every one of you in some way.
